All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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