they need to just BURY HIM!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
