Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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