so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
