Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
