Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
