Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
