I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
