Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
