I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
