There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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