I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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