I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
