If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
