I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
