he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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