All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
