He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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