at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
