just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize