Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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