She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
