**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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