I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
