I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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