i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's never too late to be topless.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
