how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
