Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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