Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
