drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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