gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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