I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
