I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
