you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
