Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have fence marks all over my body
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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