Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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