Non-Jews are for practice
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
