i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
