She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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