chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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