You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so let's talk penis.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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