Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
