theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize