And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't deserve a penis
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize