almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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