you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize