It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
