It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
