Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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