I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do herpes really smell.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
