Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
