we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
