Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize