just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
