Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize