turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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