I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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