you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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