...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
