Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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