yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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