Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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