i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
