I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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