I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
