I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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