dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize