Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you had me at cake vodka
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
