I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
