Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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