i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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