Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
