Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
