Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
