How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
